Author: Anonymous Page 58

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Definitions Marriage

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Definitions Sex

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.

Murphy’s Laws Success Things

“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

Arthritis: Twinges in the hinges.

Definitions Health

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Communication Language

Monastery: Consecration camp.

Definitions Religion

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Murphy’s Laws

Self-made Man: A horrible example of unskilled labor.

Definitions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

People Women

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Problems Situations

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

… to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

Malaprops