Author: Anonymous Page 59

You're making a mountain out of a Mohawk.

Malaprops

You've opened this can of worms, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common… they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

“Can I become a chorister?” Tom inquired.

Tom Swifties

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

Liberal: A man with his mind open at both ends.

Beliefs Definitions People

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Definitions Marriage

We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

Food/Drink Places

“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure.

Mixed metaphors

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

She's skating on thin water.

Mixed metaphors

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

A little pain never hurt anyone.

Miscellaneous

Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.

Children Communication Family Speech

I looked to see what I could hear.

Mixed metaphors

Wagging Tail: A happy ending.

Definitions

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Entrepreneur: What you’re called when you don’t have a job.

Definitions

That will round out the triangle.

Mixed metaphors

He’s not the one with his ass in a noose.

Mixed metaphors