Author: Anonymous Page 63

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties

Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time.

Definitions

“So only one person arrived at the party before I did?” Tom second-guessed.

Tom Swifties

Well, thats as clear as a bull in a china shop.

Mixed metaphors

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Beliefs Intelligence Proverbs Understanding

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Experience: What you get from being inexperienced.

Definitions

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Appearance Body Language

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

If the baby is happy, don’t try to make it happier.

Family Proverbs

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Characteristics

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Admiral: A general at sea.

Definitions Military

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink