Author: Anonymous Page 63

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Definitions Places

I will be brief… not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech; he said 'I will be so brief I have already finished,' and he sat down."

Communication Speech

“I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.

Tom Swifties

“The vegetables are overcooked!” she steamed.

Tom Swifties

“Here is your hotdog,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions

Theory: A hunch with a college education.

Definitions

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Situations

My mind is an open slate.

Mixed metaphors

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

Characteristics People

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Streams of pilgrims, old and young… flood towards the river to worship.

Mixed metaphors

He is so ugly… robbers give him their masks to wear.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

Their relationship was purely plutonic.

Malaprops Relationships