Author: Anonymous Page 65

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

He's the meanest man on the face of the universe.

A stitch in time saves a poke in the eye with a wet fish.

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

We are just scratching the tip of the iceberg.

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

He is so fat… he has group insurance.

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Wind: Weather on the go.

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with quit while you're ahead?

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

That was the last hump on the camel.

“I ain’t afraid of those white men,” said Cochise bravely.