Author: Anonymous Page 65

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions

“I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures,” said Tom autobiographically.

Tom Swifties

The [outdoor] sculpture park has opened its doors for the summer.

Mixed metaphors

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Problems Situations

I'm going to the store to buy a soup latrine.

Malaprops

If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50–50 it will.

Situations

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

Budget: A schedule for going into debt systematically.

Definitions

“I insist on naming the first male insect”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.

Tom Swifties

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

“I’ve deduced that this is the right way,” said Tom pathologically.

Tom Swifties

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things