Author: Anonymous Page 71

“Ein, zwei, drei, fünf,”” said Tom fearlessly.

Tom Swifties

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Definitions Wordplay

Adolescence: A period in which children begin to question the answers.

Age Definitions

Men are like lawnmowers: they’re hard to get started, emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

Men People

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

Expressions

Adam wasn’t always the brightest tool.

Mixed metaphors

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health Life

“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.

Tom Swifties

“Your fly is undone,” was Tom’s zippy rejoinder.

Tom Swifties

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

They’re clearly up the creek without a leg to stand on

Mixed metaphors

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

“We’d like a table for two,” said Tom without reservation.

Tom Swifties