Author: Anonymous Page 71

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Malaprops

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.

Age Exaggerations Old

“I’ve mailed the letter,” Tom assented.

Tom Swifties

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

Entertainment Malaprops

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

We should continue to ride the horse that brings in the gravy.

Mixed metaphors

The difference between bagpipes and an onion is that nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

Situations

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Appearance Body Definitions

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech

“I can take photographs if I want to!” Tom snapped.

Tom Swifties

Regret: Insight that comes a day too late.

Definitions

I look like I was sent for and couldn’t go.

Appearance

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Sex

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Definitions

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems