Author: Anonymous Page 74

Let's call the kettle what it is!

Mixed metaphors

Communist: One who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.

Definitions

I'm tired of walking on kid gloves.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Mixed metaphors

This is just a nightmare waiting to happen.

Mixed metaphors

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Intelligence Memory

Ain’t nobody out at that time a night but burglars and bad women.

Expressions Time

Silence is bliss.

Mixed metaphors

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

Definitions

She’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer.

Mixed metaphors

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People

“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.

Tom Swifties

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

Insults

“Cut it out!” said Tom sharply.

Tom Swifties

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places