Author: Anonymous Page 74

Racehorse: A fast means of redistributing wealth.

Activities Definitions

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.

Tom Swifties

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

He's as crooked as a barrel of snakes.

Expressions

Great Timesaver: Love at first sight.

Definitions

Rattle some feathers.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I’ve deduced that this is the right way,” said Tom pathologically.

Tom Swifties

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Definitions

The worst part about politics is that you're always right and no one ever knows it

Government Politics

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

Definitions

“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.

Tom Swifties

Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.

Beliefs Health

It would bring the public school system crumbling to its knees.

Mixed metaphors

If I was doin’ any better, I’d have ta hire somebody to help me enjoy it!

Emotions Expressions Happiness Life

I'm sweating like a stuck pig.

Mixed metaphors