Author: Anonymous Page 79

Peeping Tom: A window fan.

Definitions Wordplay

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

Sex

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

Tom Swifties

It ain't a pretty sight for the ears.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

“I’m just an ordinary soldier,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

Teachers: United Mind Workers.

Definitions Education Wordplay

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

“This way to the seabird exhibit”, said Tom awkwardly.

Tom Swifties

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

Love: Oceans of emotions surrounded by expanses of expenses.

Definitions Emotions Love

Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth