Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

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Fools Intelligence

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Intelligence Money Taxes

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Money Taxes

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

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Money People

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

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Death Life Situations

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

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Characteristics Truth

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

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Golf People Sports

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

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Food/Drink Money

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

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People

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

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Family Relationships

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

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Science/Weather Situations

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

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Characteristics Exercise Work

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics