Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Intelligence Money Taxes

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

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Fools Intelligence

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

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Mistakes Work

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Activities Relationships

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Speech

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

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Education Occupations Sleep

Blood is thicker than water… but it makes lousy lemonade!

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Relationships

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Family Relationships