Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

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Work

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Money Taxes

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Intelligence Money Taxes

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

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Government Politicians

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

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Mistakes Work

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

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Age Appearance Body Old

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

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Intelligence

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

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Science/Weather Situations

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

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Conflict Crime People

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

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Communication

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers