Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Work

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Fools Intelligence

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Places

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Honesty Places World

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money Time

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Intelligence

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Situations Things

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Places

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Exercise Work

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Conversation Speech

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Relationships

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money Past Time

When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Problems Situations

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
People

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Intelligence

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Law Lawyers

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money