Author: Dorothy Parker

Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Places

I went to convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Situations

The play holds the season’s record, thus far, with a run of four evening performances and one matinée… by an odd coincidence, it ran just five performances too many.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Reviews/Criticism

There has been but one sweet, misty interlude in my [insomnia]; that was the evening I fell into a dead dreamless slumber brought on by the reading of a book called Appendicitis.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Reviews/Criticism

She looks like something that would eat its young.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Appearance Insults

One more drink and I'd be under the host.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

The only thing I didn’t like about The Barretts of Wimpole Street was the play.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Reviews/Criticism

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Friends People Sex

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence Sex

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Girls People Things Women

Tell him I’ve been too f**king busy – or vice versa.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Situations Time

I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Characteristics Money Wealth

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Acting Reviews/Criticism

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Intelligence Language People Thinking Women

Do me a favor; when you get home, throw your mother a bone.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Family Mothers Situations

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Relationships

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Appearance Clothing

The two most beautiful words in the English language are “check enclosed.”

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Language

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing Truth

I wish you could have heard that pretty crash Beauty and the Beast made when, with one sweeping, liquid gesture, I tossed it out of my twelfth-story window.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Reviews/Criticism

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible, this was terrible with raisins in it.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Age