Author: Mark Twain Page 3

Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

Adam was the luckiest man: he had no mother-in-law.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Relationships

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language People

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Communication Language Work

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Age Exercise

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Crime Government Money

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Speech Time

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah didn't miss the boat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Family

I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Occupations Work

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education School

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Honesty Opinion Truth

One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Facts Situations

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats Characteristics