Author: H.L. Mencken Page 2

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Friends Marriage Men

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Family Situations

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Religion Science/Weather

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but is is seldom a mistake.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

In the duel of sex, woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Men People Women

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail and if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Government Laughter

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Happiness

It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals People Science/Weather

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Definitions Dogs

Lawyer: One who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Government Language Lawyers

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Lies People Truth

Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government Politics

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Communication Reading/Writing Religion

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Money Wealth Wives

No man can hear his telephone ring without wishing heartily that Alexander Graham Bell had been run over by an ice wagon at the age of four.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Things

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Conversation Husbands Marriage Wives