Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 2

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As J. Effingham Bellweather in “The Golf Specialist”

I could only teach him how to juggle his books.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities On teaching someone to juggle

If an unmarried woman loses her equilibrium, she should try to fall on a millionaire.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Relationships Women Millionaires

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage Tying the knot

Mrs. Gideon: Well! I’m afraid I can’t say anything good about her.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I can see what’s good. Tell me the rest.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Cuthbert J. Twillie in “My Little Chickadee”

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Eating Food/Drink

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Places Time Philadelphia Sunday Year

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Characteristics Eating Food/Drink Breakfast Gin

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Money Gambling

Getting married is like buying a new horse, or going into a strange saloon.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

Children should neither be seen nor heard from… ever again.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Time Seen not heard

Go away kid, you bother me.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children People

It’s a funny ol’ world… man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sam Bisbee in “You’re Telling Me!”

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Cuthbert J. Twillie in “My Little Chickadee” Cheating

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind”

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Animals Men People Situations Time Bull Tail

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Young

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Reputation Water

The Great Man: [Suffering from a hangover] Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night!
Stewardess: Should I get you a Bromo?
The Great Man: No, I couldn’t stand the noise!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Hangover

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 2

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

I could only teach him how to juggle his books.

If an unmarried woman loses her equilibrium, she should try to fall on a millionaire.

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.

Mrs. Gideon: Well! I’m afraid I can’t say anything good about her.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I can see what’s good. Tell me the rest.

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Getting married is like buying a new horse, or going into a strange saloon.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

Children should neither be seen nor heard from… ever again.

Go away kid, you bother me.

It’s a funny ol’ world… man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

The Great Man: [Suffering from a hangover] Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night!
Stewardess: Should I get you a Bromo?
The Great Man: No, I couldn’t stand the noise!