Author: Wilson Mizner

The most efficient water power in the world – women's tears.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Women

In the battle of existence, talent is the punch; tact is the clever footwork.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

Why should I talk to you? I've just been talking with your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Last words

This might have been good for a picture… except it has too many characters in it.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Entertainment Film

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Education Religion

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Marriage

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor – unassisted.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Emotions Love

Art is science made clear.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Art Science/Weather

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Government Insults Law Lawyers Money

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Insults Opinion

Many a live wire would be a dead one except for his connections.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Animals Insults

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Death

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Places Relationships

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Mothers

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Intelligence People

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Fools Intelligence People

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Appearance Body Insults

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, "Have you read…"

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Situations Work