Keyword: Telephone

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

I don’t own a cell phone or a pager; I just hang around everyone I know, all the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

No, you didn’t wake me up; I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

All phone calls are obscene.

American author

The voice of love seemed to call me… but it was a wrong number.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Chatterbox: Another name for a telephone booth.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “Pick up, I know you’re there.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

Have you ever called the wrong number? They’re always in aren’t they?

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

(1925 – 2005) television host

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be and when I called someone they went “Aaaaahhhh…”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875 … In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.

(1902 – 1982) American professional baseball executive & club owner

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I like to leave messages before the beep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month… the other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host