Telephone | Just-One-Liners.com

Keyword: Telephone

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

Maureen Lipman

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian

I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know.

Garry Shandling

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

Characteristics Communication Sex Shyness Telephone

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

Chris Hobb

comedian

Autos Communication Relationships Bumper stickers Grandmothers Telephone

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Communication Computers Science/Weather Things Internet Telephone

The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.

Parkinson's Law of the Telephone

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Time Telephone

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number; it started with 555.

Mitch Hedberg

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Communication Dating Telephone

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Fran Lebowitz

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Communication Life People Things Teenagers Telephone

Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Ambrose Bierce

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Communication Definitions Things Telephone

No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.

Anonymous Murphy's Law

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things Telephone

I got an answering machine for my phone; now when I’m not home and somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal.

Steven Wright

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Communication Answering machine Telephone

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

Jay London

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

Animals Dogs Telephone

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875 … In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.

Bill DeWitt

(1902 – 1982) American professional baseball executive & club owner

Miscellaneous Things Bathtub Telephone

No, you didn’t wake me up; I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.

‘Yogi' Berra

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Sleep Yogi-isms Telephone

You might be a redneck if… you have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

Jeff Foxworthy

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

People Rednecks Taxidermist Telephone

All phone calls are obscene.

Karen Elizabeth Gordon

American author

Communication Language Obscene Telephone

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

Jimmy Buffett

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman

Emotions Things (also Firth’s Law of Tailoring) Telephone

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Anonymous

Definitions Things Telephone

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month… the other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.

Craig Kilborn

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host

Alcohol Food/Drink People College students Telephone

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.