Telephone | Just-One-Liners.com

Keyword: Telephone (Page 2)

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

James Thurber

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

Alice Kahn

(1943 – 2004) author & psychologist

Science/Weather Quality of life Technology Telephone

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

Jimmy Buffett

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman

Emotions Things (also Firth’s Law of Tailoring) Telephone

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Anonymous

Definitions Things Telephone

I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller,' he said 'Not you again.’

Frank Carson

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor

Communication Nuisance callers Telephone

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number; it started with 555.

Mitch Hedberg

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Communication Dating Telephone

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Anonymous

Communication Men Speech Women Sexual harassment Telephone

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875 … In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.

Bill DeWitt

(1902 – 1982) American professional baseball executive & club owner

Miscellaneous Things Bathtub Telephone

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “Pick up, I know you’re there.”

Joan Rivers

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Children Communication Family Telephone

Men like phones with lots of buttons; it makes them feel important.

Rita Rudner

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Communication Men People Things Buttons Telephone

There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 a.m… it could be the right number.

Doug Larson

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Communication Time Telephone Wrong number

1. The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
2. You will reach it just in time to hear the click of the caller hanging up.

Bess’s Universal Principles

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things Telephone

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be and when I called someone they went “Aaaaahhhh…”

Steven Wright

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Communication Things Blender Telephone

When a body is immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Archimedes's Third Principle

Murphy’s Laws Baths Telephone

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.'

Jimmy Carr

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Sex Things Telephone

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

Chris Hobb

comedian

Autos Communication Relationships Bumper stickers Grandmothers Telephone

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

Jay London

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

Animals Dogs Telephone

You might be a redneck if… you have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

Jeff Foxworthy

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

People Rednecks Taxidermist Telephone

I got an answering machine for my phone; now when I’m not home and somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal.