Subject: Animals » Dogs

Yesterday I was a dog… today I’m a dog… tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)

You might be a redneck if… you can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Even a dog knows the difference between being tripped-over and kicked.

I’m fond of pigs… dogs look up to us… cats look down on us… pigs treat us as equal.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

These days it’s hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

You might be a redneck if… you ever named a child after a dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James

Don't get mixed up between Pavlov and Pavlova, or you'll have salivating ballerinas and pirouetting dogs.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

A lot of rich women seeing how small they can get their dogs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I hate when women compare men to dogs; men are not dogs… dogs are loyal; I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

When walking a dog, be sure then animal is smaller than you.

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

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