Subject: Animals » Dogs

You might be a redneck if… you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Aa dog walking on his hind legs … is not done well, but you are surprised to find it done at all.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

(1894 – 1963) English writer

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

You might be a redneck if… you can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

How come dogs hate it if you blow in their faces; but when they get in the car, they stick their heads out the window.

(1952 – ) comedian

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

Yesterday I was a dog… today I’m a dog… tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)

Happiness is a warm puppy.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The Hunger Site