Subject: Characteristics

I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful?… no, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.

(1926 – 1984) English comedian

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

There's one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him… if he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president

I like a man who's good, but not too good; for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do.

(1888 – 1955) American writer, lecturer & developer of self-improvement skills

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile – hoping it will eat him last.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

It's far easier to forgive an enemy after you've got even with him.

(1918 - 2002) American author

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Many who would not take the last cookie would take the last lifeboat.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Always be sincere… even if you don’t mean it.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on woman.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

The sterile, arid environment created by truly jarring and discordant signage and gargantuan billboards is a turnoff.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape Nuts on principle.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

Very sorry can't come; lie follows by post.

(1846 – 1919) British Admiral & member of Parliament

Eddie had so much energy he made coffee beans jumpy.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I was born gay, but eight months of breast feeding wiped that right out.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host

Most people’s self-esteem isn't low enough.


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