Subject: Characteristics (Page 2)

One of my uncles said that apparently at birth I snuck out… I thought maybe someone was following me.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Taxes

He’d fight an anvil.

Characteristics Expressions

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Characteristics Eating Food/Drink

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Characteristics Ugly Work

I rely on my personality for birth control.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Characteristics Sex

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Characteristics Government

He’s gettin’ above his raisin.'

Characteristics

Some people have a chip on their shoulder; Billy has a whole lumberyard.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball Characteristics Sports

Badness comes in waves.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank, but never to being bores.

(1883 – 1963) American writer & hostess
Characteristics

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics

He’s suffering from a lack of self of steam.

Characteristics Malaprops

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad; an optimist is a man who hopes they are.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Characteristics People Women

Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

All generalizations are false.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Success

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.

(1897 – 1976) American novelist, short story & sports writer
Characteristics Golf Sports

Homosexuality is God’s way of ensuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Characteristics Children Intelligence People