Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Practical prayer is harder on the soles of your shoes than on the knees of your trousers.
(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant – they’re quite clear –- that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.
(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Ten thousand women marched through the streets of London saying 'we will not be dictated to,' and then went off to become stenographers.
(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Having committed political suicide, the Conservative Party is now living to regret it.
(1944 – ) British politician, chancellor of Oxford & governor of Hong Kong
I think it will be a clash between the political will and the administrative won’t.
(1943 – ) English film director, comedy writer & actor
I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognize a good party man when I see one.
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay, but here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Forever poised between a cliche and an indiscretion.
(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
On the life of a foreign secretary
The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
A Murphy's Military Law
The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
A Murphy's Military Law
Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted “Bingo!” counted as a yea or a nay.
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Senate: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.
(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.
If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
First Law of Office Holders
You campaign in poetry, you govern in prose.
(1947 – ) U.S. Secretary of State, senator (New York) & first lady
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