Subject: Government

Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.

Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.

(1806-1873) British philosopher

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he’ll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

(1929 – ) journalist, author & television pundit

There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor

Foundation of a party signals the dissolution of the movement.

Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.

Neutral countries – aren’t.

Opinions on Our 44st President

The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing.

(1619 – 1683) French statesman

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator

I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f**ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

I was asked to name all the presidents… I thought they already had names.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don’t break any.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
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