Subject: Government

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

You don’t listen to a guy who looks like the kid in ‘Deliverance’ all grown up.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

Only one thing, is impossible for God; to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I belong to the Straight Talking American Government Party, or STAG Party for short.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker

If "con" is the opposite of pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of progress?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

American diplomacy is like watching somebody trying to do joinery with a chainsaw.

(1941 – ) British poet & novelist

Dear Jack, don't buy a single vote more than necessary; I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.

(1888 – 1969) American businessman & father of President John Kennedy

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Congress is so strange; a man gets up to speak and says nothing – nobody listens—and then everybody disagrees.

(1898 – 1967) Russian writer

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

(1915 – 2002) Israeli diplomat & politician

Only the little people pay taxes.

(1920 – 2007) American billionaire businesswoman & real estate investor

I don't want to say he's in bed with this administration, but they did find Dick Cheney's Rolex lodged in his colon.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger

A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.

(1816 – 1888) American attorney, politician & United States Attorney General

Nothing is illegal if one hundred well-placed business men decide to do it.

(1932 – ) American politician, diplomat, activist & pastor

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

I could not stand the strain of having to be right all the time.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game; you want us to pay income taxes, too?

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
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