Subject: People (Page 4)

P.S. Did you ever notice that ‘Peter O'Toole’ is a double-phallic name?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

An old friend will help you move; a good friend will help you move a dead body.


Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

I'm so sick of these men who just talk about themselves… I'm looking for a well-hung mime.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

You fantasize about a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice big stock portfolio; for me, it’s a fireman with a nice big hose.

(1956 – ) English-Canadian actress

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If I were married to her, I’d be sure to have dinner ready when she got home.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman

We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is "knowing what your uterus looks like.”

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer

One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist

You might be a redneck if… you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You might be a redneck if… your high school basketball game got rained out.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

(1892 – 1969) English publisher & bookseller

We are the people our parents warned us about.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman

There have been only two geniuses in the world – Willie Mays and William Shakespeare.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

My wife is a sex object; every time I ask for sex, she objects.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

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