Subject: Places

I’m in favor of liberalized immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants; I’d let just about everybody in except the English.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

The one great principle of the English law is, to make business for itself.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist

The definition of an atheist in Alabama is a person who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.

Georgia football coach

Rome wasn’t born in a day.

professional baseball player

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

You gotta be a special kind of hungry to put something in your mouth that you get from a stranger on the streets of Manhattan, especially in Times Square, if you know what I mean.

(1960 – ) American comedian

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

“New York, New York” – so good they named it twice.

(1947 – ) American singer-songwriter

Americans don't really understand what's going on in Bosnia; to them it's the unspellables killing the unpronouncables.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

(1925 – 2005) television host

I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.


When you get a mammogram there, it comes with a two-drink minimum.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Summer camp is where the parents spend a thousand dollars so their daughter can learn to make a fifty-cent potholder.

In California, if someone crosses the street, we'll stop.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

In Russia we only had two TV channels: Channel One was propaganda, Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: “Turn back at once to Channel One.”

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

Don't let the whole world come here and see our stuff; it just pisses them off.

television executive & comedian

I want to succeed in America where, unlike Britain, they do not regard ambition as being the same as eating babies.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
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