Subject: Places

You can go home again – you just can’t stay there.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

The English think soap is civilization.

(1834 – 1896) German historian & political writer

America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson – and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

The only good thing about playing for Cleveland is you don't have to make road trips there.

American baseball player

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Spain's new Prime Minister … announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq… meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter

Canadians are Americans with no Disneyland.

(1937 – 2012) New Zealand author

I've searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

The English never smash in a face; they merely refrain from asking it to dinner.

(1910 – 1997) American writer

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.

Collectable Spoons of the 3rd Reich

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

(1969 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician

Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

scriptwriter & author

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist