Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Whenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a useless no-name, he immediately rises to stardom.
Knox's Principle of Star Quality
The degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended and to the need for success.
Sodd's Other Law
I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional… then it was too late.
American professional golfer
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
She said I was afraid of success, which may in fact be true, because I have a feeling that fufilling my potential would really cut into my sittin' around time.
(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Brien's First Law
When you’re walking to the bank with that World Series check every November, you don’t want to leave. There were no Yankees saying, “play me or trade me.”
(1922 – 2007) American baseball player & manager
New York Yankees
Fame means absolutely nothing except a good table at a restaurant.
(1934 – ) English actress & occasional screenwriter
The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination.
First of all you've got to have talent, and then you've got to marry her like I did.
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Wife Gracie Allen
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Brute force, clumsiness, ignorance, and superstition will always triumph over science, skill, knowledge, and logic.
Hugo's First Rule of Life
I hate to see a young man get ahead on the basis of a famous family name.
Edward ‘Ted’ Kennedy
(1932 – 2009) U.S. senator (Massachusetts)
At all those banquets, stars get up and give credit to their coaches and parents; I give credit to no one; I made myself what I am today.
(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
War of 1812
From Poland to polo in one generation.
(1953 – ) Romanian-born American screenwriter
Of film executive Darryl Zanuck
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault.
(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
First year, a .500 season – second year, a conference championship – third year, undefeated – fourth year, a national championship – and in the fifth year, we’ll be on probation, of course.
Paul 'Bear' Bryant
1913 – 1983) American college football coach
Outlining a five-year plan for success
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