Subject: Activities (Page 3)

I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

If you need n items of anything, you will have n – 1 in stock.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

I’ll never die in my sleep… I don’t sleep that well.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Activities Death Sleep

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs… like custom officers.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

I tried cocaine to lose weight… it just made me eat faster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Appearance Body Drugs Eating Fat

I spent twelve years training for a career that was over in a week; Joe Namath spent one week training for a career that lasted twelve years.

(1949 – ) American Olympic athlete
Activities People Situations Sports

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

I like long walks… especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Activities People

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Activities Games Situations

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs

I’ve never had a problem with drugs… I’ve had problems with the police.

(1943 – ) English musician, songwriter & member of the Rolling Stones
Activities Drugs

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Activities Sports

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Golf Sports

Except that right-side-up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Children Family People Travel

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.

American film & television producer
Activities People

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it.. so finally I went out and bought some slippers.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Activities Housework

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things Travel

I could only teach him how to juggle his books.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Activities