Subject: Animals (Page 15)

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Cats Dogs

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still in the cat.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Cats Entertainment Music

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Dogs

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Animals Relationships

So, You’ve Got a Fat Pussy

Animals Book Titles Cats

You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

Cats… a standing rebuke to behavioural scientist.


Animals Cats

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

Animals have these advantages over man: they have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no-one starts lawsuits over their wills.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Animals

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

That’s why they’re man’s best friend… ‘cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are; so do women, but they’ve already got men

(1957 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Men People

FOUND – Gay dog – was crossing Dundas St. on Saturday, July 14th… won’t stop humping my dog! Please come get ‘em. Call 778-….

Animals Dogs Signs

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Animals Malaprops Situations

I love my hunting dog… well I loved my hunting dog… I'm not very good at hunting.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Activities Animals Dogs

I hate when women compare men to dogs; men are not dogs… dogs are loyal; I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Animals Dogs Men People

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic
Animals Cats Insults Music

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs Wordplay

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats Characteristics People

People on horses look better than they are; people in cars look worse than they are.

(1904 – 1990) American author & critic
Animals Appearance Autos Things

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things