Subject: Animals (Page 18)

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Animals Cats

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals

The mosquitoes in Louisiana are so big, they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!

Animals Exaggerations

Man should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.

(1849 – 1926) American botanist & horticulturist
Animals Conflict War

Cats have nine lives… which makes them ideal for experimentation.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Animals Cats

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Animals Dogs TV/Movie Quotes

Life is like a dogsled team; if you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Animals Dogs Life

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Situations

Get a good dog; we have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

Impeccable Birdfeeding: How to Discourage Scuffling, Hull-dropping, Seed-throwing, Unmentionable Nuisances and Vulgar Chatter at Your Birdfeeder

Animals Book Titles

I wanna put stickers on turtles… I don’t know why.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Communication

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

I’m fond of pigs… dogs look up to us… cats look down on us… pigs treat us as equal.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Animals Cats Dogs

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Animals Dogs

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Cats Communication Definitions Language

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Animals Insults