Subject: Animals (Page 21)

Smart as a tree full of owls.

Animals Expressions Intelligence Wisdom

All men are equal before fish.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Animals People

You can take a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Animals Situations

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Government Law Lawyers People

The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Animals

Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Cats

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Places

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

Flashier Great Tits Produce Stronger Sperm, Bird Study Shows

Animals Headlines

How are you supposed to be able to tell when cat food has gone bad?

(1964 – ) American
Animals Cats

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Animals Situations

You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

A cat walking into a room containing twelve seated people will jump into the lap of the person who hates cats the most.

Animals Cats Murphy’s Laws

There are no handles to a horse, but the 1910 model has a string to each side of its face for turning its head when there is anything you want it to see.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Animals

You always hear a headline like this,”Man Killed By Shark,” you never hear it from the other perspective, “Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food.”

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
Animals

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Things

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Animals Malaprops Situations

Nature abhors a vacuum… but not as much as cats do.

Animals Cats

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Animals Dogs Life Situations

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs Wordplay

It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Intelligence Wisdom