Subject: Animals (Page 21)

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Is that Rod Stewart in first class?"

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Situations

If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Animals

You can put a coat and tie on a goat, and it’s still a goat.

Animals Appearance Proverbs

I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Situations

… that indefatigable and unsavory engine of pollution

(1906 – 1992) English academic, barrister & book-collector
Animals Dogs

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer
Animals Dogs Emotions

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Animals Things

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Characteristics Fear

Nobody ever committed suicide who had a good two-year-old in the barn.

Activities Animals Proverbs

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs God People

Black beauty – he's a dark horse.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Animals

I think what sets us apart from other animals is that we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Animals People

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals Conflict Situations Sleep

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Animals Cats Children Family

We’ve a cat called Ben Hur; we called it Ben till it had kittens.


Animals Cats

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

(1981 – ) British actor
Animals

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.

professional baseball player
Animals Cold Science/Weather

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats Characteristics

Cats… a standing rebuke to behavioural scientist.


Animals Cats