Subject: Appearance » Body (Page 10)

She’s so fat she wears stretch kaftans.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

You would think with all the money she saves on food she could buy a dress.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I’d like to borrow [Cassius] Clay’s body for 48 hours. There are three guys I’d like to beat up and four women I’d like to make love to.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

There's one thing about baldness; it's neat.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?… a small part of me says yes.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

She not only kept her lovely figure, she’s added so much to it.

(1927 – 1987) actor, dancer, choreographer, director, screenwriter & director

He is so fat… when he gets his shoes shined he has to take the man's word for it.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit-of-The-Loom guys laughing at me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

She’s a tall drink of water.

His nose is so big… he could smoke a cigar in the shower.