Subject: Appearance » Fat (Page 3)

You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I thought to myself, join the army… it’s free; so I figured while I’m here I’ll lose a few pounds… I’m going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin’ Machine!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian

If you can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle, then you’re fat.

(1973 – ) American comedian

I’ve got a slight weight problem… I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

She’s so fat she wears stretch kaftans.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she wore a "Cross Your Thighs" bra.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying… Caution Wide Load.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Every time I breathe, they like, ‘Why you breathing so hard?'…So I can live!


He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

She’s so fat, she’s my two best friends.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Edible underwear?… even during sex, we can't stop eating.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out; but I can usually shut her up with cookies.

singer & musician

He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please."