Subject: Appearance (Page 18)

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money.

Clothing Money Murphy’s Laws

Guys – if your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Appearance Clothing

All these guys with six pack abs, and I'm the only one with a keg.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

Honey, beside me, you look like Tony Randall!

(1933 – 1967) American actress, entertainer & Hollywood sex symbol
Appearance Body Insults

It's a good thing Babe Ruth isn't still with the Yankees. If he was, George Steinbrenner would have him bat seventh and say he's overweight.

American baseball player
Baseball Body Fat Sports

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs… I think of them as stray eyebrows.

(1953 – ) American comic, television producer & writer
Appearance

I think women who think size doesn't matter are shallow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Characteristics

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance

He now looks like a Barbie doll that has been whittled at by a malicious brother.

(1943 – ) English opera critic, author & journalist
Appearance Insults

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Marriage

I wanna tell you… I was ugly. I was so ugly, I went to the proctologist and he stuck his fingers in my mouth.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Appearance Situations

He's grinning like a possum eating a persimmon.

Appearance Expressions

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

American comedian
Appearance Clothing Shopping

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese… as if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Body Cold Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations

The sane appear as strange to the mad as the mad to the sane.

(1933 – 1967) English playwright
Appearance Intelligence