Subject: Appearance (Page 30)

I was six foot one inch when I started fighting, but with all the uppercuts I'm up to six foot five inches.

American boxer
Appearance Boxing Sports

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Clothing Ugly

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence Men People Stupidity

I angered the clerk in a clothing shop today; she asked me what size I was and I said actual, because I am not to scale.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing People Self

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.


Appearance Clothing

My arms register as legs. And my legs register as firewood.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Appearance Body

Body odor is nature’s alarm clock and a lot of people from my home town are hitting the snooze alarm.

American comedian
Appearance Body People

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Situations

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth – or anywhere else.

(1902 – 1986) English-American actress
Appearance Insults

They say an actor is only as good as his parts; well, my parts have done me pretty well, darling.

(1937 – ) English actress
Acting Appearance Body Entertainment

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Ugly

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Body Old

You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks Shopping

The curve is more powerful than the sword.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

You look like you have been drug through a knot hole backwards.

Appearance Expressions

I wouldn’t change anything but I could do with sharing my bottom and thighs with at least two other people.

(1949 – ) British media personality & author
Appearance Body

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”


Appearance Body Clothing

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

Body Definitions Men

If you told her to haul butt, she would have to make two trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives