Subject: Appearance (Page 33)

She is a peacock in everything but beauty.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Body Insults

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1900 – 1967) American film actor
Clothing Money Poverty

Lester: If you play your cards right, you could have my body.

Halley Reed: Wouldn’t you rather leave it to science?

(1945 – ) American model, activist & actress
Body TV/Movie Quotes

You might be a redneck if… you work with a shirt off… and so does your husband.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing Husbands People Rednecks

Every time I breathe, they like, ‘Why you breathing so hard?'…So I can live!


Appearance Fat Self

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?

Fred: I’m calling you ugly, I could push our face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Body Emotions

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses, on second thought, just let me cover your face.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Insults

I think the reason guys like women in leather outfits so much is because they have that ‘new car’ smell.

Appearance Clothing People Women

A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.

Appearance Body People Women

I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body.

(1952 – ) comedian
Body People Self Women

He’s so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

My wife is Hawaiian; well… no she’s not, but she’s shaped like a pineapple.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Wives

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Body People

… an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing Hair Insults

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Body Old

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth – or anywhere else.

(1902 – 1986) English-American actress
Appearance Insults

My girlfriend told me I had the body of a Greek god and I said you don’t know sh*t about Greek mythology.

(1976 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others; he gave me one with four cavities.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Health