Subject: Appearance (Page 33)

She looks like something that would eat its young.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Appearance Insults

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit-of-The-Loom guys laughing at me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing

My arms register as legs. And my legs register as firewood.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Appearance Body

Reporter: What do you call that hairstyle you’re wearing?

Harrison Arthur.

(1943 – 2001) English musician, singer & songwriter
Appearance Hair

My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Wives

He was so ugly… he hurt my feelings.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Body Ugly

You’re as pretty as any of them… you just need a nose job.

(1949 – ) American actor, comedian & writer
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Appearance

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Appearance Clothing Life Work

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

It's hard having a big nose… all my pullover shirts have stretch marks.

comedian
Appearance Body

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never, and two, if you’re selling ice cream.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Appearance Clothing

I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don’t tan… I stroke.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body Fat

I'd hire her to haunt a house!

Appearance Miscellaneous Ugly

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs People Self