Subject: Appearance (Page 45)

He has left his body to science… and science is contesting the will.

(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Appearance Body Insults Science/Weather

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Places Situations

My arms register as legs. And my legs register as firewood.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Appearance Body

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Body Food/Drink

I lent my wife a thousand pounds to have plastic surgery; now I can’t get the money back and I don’t know who to look for.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance

The (orange) uniforms were already picked out by the time I got here. I didn't give it too much thought until I saw our buses and I said, `My God, we're dressed just like that bus.'

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Appearance Clothing Football Sports

I look like the wrath of grapes.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Appearance Emotions Food/Drink

He has become the oldest living cute boy in the world.

(1953 – ) American author, journalist & opinion columnist
Age Appearance Insults Old

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Clothing Life Miscellaneous

He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please."

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Death People Self

The sloppier the rebel uniform, the more likely the overthrow of the existing government.

Appearance Clothing Conflict Murphy’s Laws

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.

(1890 – 1973) Italian-French designer
Appearance Clothing People Women

How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Yeah, she's beautiful, but you can't find her IQ with a flashlight.

Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

My body is a temple; unfortunately, my diet is ISIS.

American comedian
Appearance Body Self