Subject: Beliefs (Page 2)

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Characteristics Government Honesty Marriage Politicians Truth

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author
Beliefs Emotions God People

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Beliefs God Intelligence Stupidity

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion

Secrets with girls, like loaded guns with boys,

Are never valued till they make a noise.

(1754 – 1832) English poet, surgeon & clergyman
Beliefs Facts

I hear [soccer player] Glenn Hoddle has found God; that must have been one hell of a pass.

(Robert Norman Davis) (1945 – ) British comedian & actor
Beliefs God

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs Honesty

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

The public is always wrong.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws People

God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

Beliefs God

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Facts Science/Weather

The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Thou shalt not commit adultery; now, you know no guy would have ever dreamed that one up.

American comedian & writer
Beliefs People

Saying that you don’t believe in magic but do believe in God is a bit like saying you don’t have sex with dogs, except Labradors.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs God

Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good – stop.’

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Religion

He never relinquishes my disbelief.

professional football player
Beliefs Misspokements

Liberal: One who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.

Beliefs Definitions

War is God's way of teaching us geography.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict God War