Subject: Beliefs (Page 3)

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian
Beliefs Characteristics People Religion

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Friends God Old People

One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you.

Beliefs People

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance People Truth Women

The Bible says gays aren’t natural; what? … and a talking snake is?!

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Beliefs People

Truth hurts… maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing… but it hurts.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Truth TV/Movie Quotes

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Time Truth Wives

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Characteristics Honesty Lies Science/Weather

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs Honesty

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Intelligence Religion

Any facts which, when included in the argument, give the desired result, are fair facts for the argument.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Facts Science/Weather

Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for that rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge.

Characteristics Communication Honesty Murphy’s Laws Truth

The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution.

(1906 – 1975) German-born American political theorist
Beliefs Government

To you, I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God TV/Movie Quotes

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Communication Reading/Writing Religion

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Facts

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Books Characteristics Communication Honesty Reading/Writing Truth