Subject: Beliefs (Page 4)

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Beliefs Opinion

I’m not a believer in luck… but I do believe you need it.

Beliefs Misspokements Situations

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high-powered rifle and scope.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Beliefs Communication Opinion

Church is only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.

(1881–1944) Archbishop of Canterbury
Beliefs Religion

Hell is other people.

(1905 – 1980) French existentialist philosopher, playwright & novelist,
Beliefs People

I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Lies Reading/Writing

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Money

Truth varies.

Characteristics Government Honesty Murphy’s Laws Politics Truth

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Drugs God People

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Characteristics God

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion

Man is Creation’s masterpiece; but who says so?

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs God

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education

Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you’re right – then let the matter drop.

Beliefs

People that put up Christmas decorations, all they’re saying is ‘Hey, we’re not Jews.’

(1957 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion Situations

The fact that he relies on facts … says things that are not factual… are going to undermine his campaign.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Facts Government

One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Facts Situations

My church accepts all denominations – fivers, tenners, twenties.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Beliefs Money

An argument is a question with two sides and no end.

Beliefs Communication

Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Occupations People Truth