Subject: Beliefs (Page 26)

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Characteristics Honesty Lies Truth

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

(1563 – 1608) Italian Catholic priest
Beliefs Cooking England Food/Drink Places Religion

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

A conservative is someone who believes in reform… but not now.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs Definitions People

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.

(1920 – ) Hungarian writer
Beliefs God

When a man tells me he’s going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.

(1893 – 1957) British politician
Beliefs Honesty Situations

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion Sex

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author
Beliefs Emotions God People

We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Leviticus Also Said “No Hair Cuts” But I Guess We Are Skipping That One

Beliefs Religion Signs

My mom’s Jewish and my dad’s Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Alcohol Beliefs

I just got out of the hospital… I had my mother removed from my back.

comedian & television writer
Beliefs Family Mothers Travel

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs God People

Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.


Characteristics Communication Honesty Lies Truth

The fact that he relies on facts … says things that are not factual… are going to undermine his campaign.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Facts Government

Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs Definitions

1. Any great truth can – and eventually will – be expressed as a cliche.

2. Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

Communication Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws