Subject: Beliefs (Page 28)

Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg; it seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Beliefs Communication Opinion Speech

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Honesty

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office.

(1955 – ) American sportswriter
Beliefs Congress Golf Government Honesty Law Lies

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle; I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

(1910 – 1997) Albanian–born Indian Roman Catholic nun
Beliefs God

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs People

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Beliefs

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Facts Honesty Truth

Telling lies does not work in advertising.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

We haven't seen that kind of violence in the name of religion in this country since we got here!'

American stand-up comedian
America History Religion Time

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Religion Science/Weather

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.

(1878 – 1968) American author
Beliefs Intelligence

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Clothing Things

Facts without theory are trivia. Theory without facts is bullshit.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
God

The person with the least expertise has the most opinions.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Opinion

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Beliefs Girls Situations

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

(1945 – 2010) American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty Intelligence