Subject: Beliefs (Page 41)

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Football God Men Sports Women

I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Life Religion

Religion is just what we thought before we understood what mental illness was.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Beliefs Religion

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Beliefs Communication Murphy’s Laws

The definition of an atheist in Alabama is a person who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.

Georgia football coach
Beliefs Places

Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.

(1742 – 1799) German writer
Beliefs Opinion

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations

A conservative is one who is opposed to the things he is in favor of.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs

The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Beliefs God

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Communication Language Truth

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Education Religion

You know, just once I’d like to hear a player say, ‘Yeah, we were in the game – until Jesus made me fumble; he hates our team.’

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Sports

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
God

Let my people go!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

I would not want Jimmy Carter and his men in charge of snake control in Ireland.

(1916 – 2005) American politician & poet
Beliefs Insults Opinion

Gods like to see an atheist around… gives them something to aim at.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Beliefs God

I’m still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

Beliefs Opinion

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion