Subject: Beliefs (Page 9)

We must believe in free will… we have no choice.

(1902 – 1991) Polish Jewish American author
Beliefs Life

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health

I know her in the biblical sense… and when I say that, I mean I don’t believe a word she says.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Beliefs Honesty

Having something to say is overrated.

American writer
Beliefs Communication Opinion

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Intelligence Religion

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Beliefs

‘Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed’ was the ninth beatitude.

(1688 – 1744) English poet
Beliefs

The world is round; it has no point.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Beliefs Places World

I always advise people never to give advice.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

I took a test in Existentialism; I left all the answers blank and got 100.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs

You don’t listen to a guy who looks like the kid in ‘Deliverance’ all grown up.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Government Opinion Politicians

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Friends God Old People

My way of joking is to tell the truth.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Honesty Truth

It’s hard to believe that if there is a God, he would want people to stand in the street and shout like maniacs. I think He would choose better qualified people.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Beliefs God People

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Characteristics Communication Honesty Truth

I think of the church often; not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Beliefs Religion

Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Misspokements Occupations Opinion

Figures won’t lie, but liars can figure.

(1911 – 1993) columnist & novelist
Characteristics Facts Honesty Lies People

Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!

Book Titles Religion

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Beliefs Health Religion