Subject: Beliefs (Page 9)

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Beliefs Insults Language Opinion

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician
Beliefs Government Politicians

To the French, lying is simply talking.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lies People Places

My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor and I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Religion

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories.

(1907 – 1953) American lawyer & scholar
Beliefs Facts

To you, I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God TV/Movie Quotes

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron; not even God can hit a 1-iron.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
God Golf Sports

Liars get caught by the tale.

Characteristics Honesty Lies Murphy’s Laws

What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts – not the facts themselves.

Facts Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

He's so crooked he uses a corkscrew for a ruler.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Honesty TV/Movie Quotes

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Beliefs Honesty Truth

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.

(1883 – 1931) Lebanese-American artist, poet & writer
Beliefs Truth

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Communication God Reading/Writing

Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Beliefs Definitions People

I have a friend; he keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Beliefs Honesty Lies