Subject: Beliefs » Religion (Page 2)

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks; you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Beliefs God Opinion Religion

Religion is just what we thought before we understood what mental illness was.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Beliefs Religion

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

A dead atheist is someone who's all dressed up with no place to go.

James Duffecy (1912 – 1983) Australian evangelist
Beliefs Religion

I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope, he’s got more money than God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Religion TV/Movie Quotes

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion Sex

Catholics don't get divorced; they stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Religion

The sheer immensity of the human self as envisioned by the world's religions is awesome.

(1919 – ) American religious studies scholar
Beliefs People Religion Self

Don’t ya know it’s bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Religion

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Beliefs Religion Self

I'm still an atheist, thank God.

(1900 – 1983) Spanish filmmaker
Beliefs Religion Wordplay

I'm Jewish, and I experience a lot of racism as a Jew, probably even more than most Jews 'cause I'm a moneylender.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Beliefs Religion

Going to war over religion, is basically just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Conflict Killing Religion War

My wife and I did the Jewish divorce custom where we took a broken glass and we put it back together.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Divorce Religion

You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is “no.”

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Religion Sports

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Beliefs Family Fathers Religion

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

It is a curious thing… that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Beliefs Religion

During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews – an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion

Ever notice how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Appearance Beliefs Religion