Subject: Beliefs » Religion (Page 2)

Baptists never make love standing up; they're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing!

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Beliefs Dance Religion Sex

They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite,' and I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right; what's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Government Politics Religion

Our loss is their loss.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Beliefs Insults Religion

Raise him a Luferan if you want, raise him a Norman with 7 wives, a holy roller, a Seventh Day Adventurer…

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Religion

Don’t ya know it’s bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Religion

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

(1563 – 1608) Italian Catholic priest
Beliefs Cooking England Food/Drink Places Religion

I'm still an atheist, thank God.

(1900 – 1983) Spanish filmmaker
Beliefs Religion Wordplay

During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews – an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion

First night, you get socks; second night, an eraser, a notebook – it’s a back to school holiday.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Religion Situations

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold ‘em under long enough.

(1944 – ) American singer, songwriter, novelist, humorist, politician & columnist
Beliefs Religion

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

My dad was old school Jewish… not do your taxes Jewish – steal your car Jewish.

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good – stop.’

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Religion

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Religion

Ridiculous stereotypes often make people very ignorant towards other nationalities. For example, I’m in good shape, intelligent, and I don’t have sex with my cousins, and yet still people assume I’m American.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs People Religion

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

A dead atheist is someone who's all dressed up with no place to go.

James Duffecy (1912 – 1983) Australian evangelist
Beliefs Religion

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion