Subject: Characteristics (Page 37)

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Characteristics

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Characteristics

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Family Fathers Health

I actually thought about getting breast implants because I'm a radical, militant feminist and a hypocrite, it turns out.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Characteristics

Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Characteristics

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Characteristics

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Characteristics Situations

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice – that what she thought didn't amount to much.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Characteristics

It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Appearance Characteristics Mothers

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Beliefs Characteristics Communication Lies Truth

You may already be a loser!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics

Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics Communication

I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics Situations

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady
Characteristics People Self

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.

(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies People

I'm afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Characteristics Time