Subject: Communication » Language (Page 9)

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Communication Language

Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
Communication Honesty Language Lies Truth

If you substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Reading/Writing

If “con” is the opposite of "pro," then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Congress Government Language

Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Like I always say, there's no 'I' in "team;" there is a 'me', though, if you jumble it up."

(1959 – ) Canadian-born writer & television producer
Communication Language

There's a fine line between hyphenated words…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Join clauses good like a conjunction should.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

“Good morning” is a contradiction of terms.

(1945 –) American cartoonist (Garfield)
Communication Language

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Language Reading/Writing

A cure for agoraphobics is just around the corner.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Health Language

I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Communication Language

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Language

German in the most extravagantly ugly language – it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

(1937 – 1996) English cartoonist, satirist, comedian & actor
Communication Insults Language

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day; she said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, All right, but we're not going to get much done.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language Situations

This sign says “IMPROV,” but I had a bad set on Friday night, so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.

Communication Language Proverbs

Carlyle said, “A lie cannot live;” it shows he did not know how to tell them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Communication Language Lies

1. All's well that ends.
2. A penny saved is a penny.
3. Don't leave things unfinishe

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech