Subject: Communication » Language (Page 9)

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that's what they do half the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Communication Language

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail; I wouldn’t want to be the tea party’s go-to comedian.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Beliefs Communication Language

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Communication Language Truth

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies

Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.

Communication Language Lawyers

I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

My goal in life is to open up a nail salon in Vietnam, where all my workers speak nothing but English.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Communication Language Places

I will not go down to posterity talking bad grammar.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Communication Language Last words

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

On the other hand… you have different fingers.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Communication Language

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Language Reading/Writing

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Money Things

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.


Communication Language

My sister has just married a Chinese billionaire… Cha Ching!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English?… it means liar.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Communication Language Science/Weather

Don't abbrev.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I like what mechanics wear… overall.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Communication Language

Martyr: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language

Epigram: A wisecrack that played Carnegie Hall.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Definitions Language