Subject: Communication (Page 35)

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

Communication Language Wordplay

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar: the barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Communication

When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Characteristics Communication Problems

So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Time

France lost a great novel last night.

(1802 – 1885) French writer
Communication Reading/Writing

I will not go down in posterity talking bad grammar.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Communication Reading/Writing

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Work

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon… but it never really took off.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Body Communication People Women Wordplay

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women

It was a dark and stormy night…

(1803 – 1873) English writer
Communication Reading/Writing

There are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing, those who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do things, and those who talk about doing things.

Communication Murphy’s Laws People Speech

The first coherent line ever spoken was ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Intelligence Speech Understanding

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer
Computers Language Sex Things

A poet can survive anything but a misprint.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication Language Reading/Writing

When dangling, don't use participles.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

A classic is a book which people praise, but no one reads.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

Martyr: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language

Television has raised writing to a new low.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication Entertainment Misspokements Reading/Writing Television

He who shouts loudest has the floor.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech