Subject: Communication (Page 5)

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Language

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Wordplay

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.

(1947 – ) novelist, screenwriter
Communication Language Reading/Writing Things

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Intelligence Language

[businesman] Sir Martin Sorrell is more arrogant than the entire French nation put together.


businessman & CEO
Communication Insults

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Books Characteristics Communication Honesty Reading/Writing Truth

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Government Politics

Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.

Children Communication Family Murphy’s Laws Old Speech

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Failure Success Wordplay

Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.

Children Communication Family Speech

I was in a book store and saw a French looking girl, she was bi-illterate… she couldn’t read in two languages.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

My wife… its difficult to say what she does… she sells seashells on the seashore.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Communication

Speeches are like babies – easy to conceive but hard to deliver.

Communication Speech

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

This sign says “IMPROV,” but I had a bad set on Friday night, so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

All really grim gardeners possess a keen sense of humus.

(1898 – 1951) Scottish humorist
Activities Wordplay

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Money Speech

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Communication Insults People

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Communication Speech