Subject: Communication (Page 61)

Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Speech

Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.

(1780 – 1832) English cleric, writer & collector
Communication Speech

Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

She was a master at making nothing happen very slowly.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host
Communication Insults Reading/Writing

There’s nothing to fear but life itself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Fear Wordplay

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Reading/Writing Things

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women

What's right is what's left when everything is wrong.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Language Opinion

Monument: A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Communication

A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Communication Occupations Work

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication Entertainment

How is it possible to have a civil war?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict War Wordplay

If a parsley farmer loses a law suit, do they garnish his wages?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

“I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.

(1979 – ) American stand-up comedian & author
Communication Relationships

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay

The Chinese food in China is not better than the Chinese food here, mostly because of differences of definitions of words that we have – like, for example, 'beef.'

(1960 – ) American comedian
Communication Definitions Food/Drink Language

There's nothing wrong with you that a vasectomy of the vocal cords wouldn't fix.

(1944 – ) American author & novelist
Communication Insults Speech