Subject: Communication » Speech (Page 14)

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

When you can’t discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you’ve already checked.

To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

(85–43 BC) Latin writer

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor

When I ask what time it is – I don't need to know how the watch is built.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers; we haven’t spoken since.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Once you overcome your fear of public speaking, you’ll never be asked to speak again.

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

I don’t talk during sex ‘cause it’s embarrassing and it might wake her up.

stand-up comedian & writer

The speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after the big meal.

I wish my first spoken word was 'Quote' so I could make my last word 'Unquote'.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.

(1908 – 1965) American broadcast journalist & newscaster

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician