Subject: Communication » Wordplay (Page 6)

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

(1946 – ) American comedian

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Good girls go to heaven; bad girls go everywhere else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I was a young lad living under a poker table with a chip on my shoulder.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Harpist: A plucky musician.

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed… so I said, “Get off of me, you two!”

(1956 – ) American comedian

In court I was found guilty of being egotistical… I am appealing.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I’m not worried about the Third World War… that’s the Third World’s problem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Theodore Dreiser should ought to write nicer.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Never position a rock near a hard place.

(1962 – ) English writer

The perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian

To eat is human, to digest, divine.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one.


What Iran needs now is a more modern leader – a mullah lite.

(1973 – ) Iranian-born British comedian

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers Society of, The?

(1929 – 2009) British novelist, newspaper columnist & television writer

A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell.

author