Subject: Conflict (Page 8)

A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.

(1931 – ) American author & journalist
Beliefs Conflict Law People

Go to L.A. – they got gangbangers that will stab you, and then go to the corner and wait for the light to turn green.

American stand-up comedian
Conflict People Places

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Arms Sports

L.A. is very dangerous; I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.

American actor & writer
Arms Conflict Places

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Conflict Food/Drink Killing

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Fights

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

My luck is getting worse and worse.. last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Crime

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry.

(1921 – 2003) American editorial cartoonist
Conflict Government Military War

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Communication Conflict War

It’s not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Arms Life Things

You can build a throne with bayonets, but it’s difficult to sit on it.


Conflict War

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Clothing Conflict Government Military War

When there’s a single thief, it's robbery; when there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.

Crime Government Taxes

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Conflict Crime Situations

Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Death Killing

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor
Crime Insults

Guns don't kill people; it's those bullets ripping through the body.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Arms Conflict Death

Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn’t there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Conflict War