Subject: Death (Page 11)

Secretary: It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.

Field’s reply: Yes, it is, very hard… it’s almost impossible.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Death Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Cut 'er loose, Doc!

(1861 – 1909) American painter, illustrator, sculptor & writer
Last words

It sounds like attention-seeking behavior to me.

(1958 – ) Welsh actor, writer & comedian
Death Insults

Don't be in such a hurry.

(1915 – 1959) American jazz singer & songwriter
Last words

Sex is like death… only after death you don’t feel like a pizza.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Food/Drink Sex

Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.

(1955 –2011) business magnate, co-founder & CEO of Apple
Last words

Smoking cures weight problems… eventually.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Body Characteristics Death Fat

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

Tell the boys I'm coming home.

(1901 – 1934) American burglar & bank robber
Last words

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.

Taylor C. Craig (1960 – 1995) American double-convicted murderer
Last words

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated… in the end, we let her live.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Death Family

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Death

Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered when they die but they’re not getting up early on a Sunday.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Death Life

You haven’t lived until you’ve died in California.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Life Places

Drink to me, drink to my health; you know I can’t drink any more.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Last words

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Death

Gents, this is an educational project. You are about to witness the damaging effect electricity has on Wood.

(? – 1963) convicted murderer
Last words

It must have been the coffee.

(1917 – 1979) Japanese-American actor
Last words

I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed: She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Communication Death Last words Wordplay